Tuesday, December 21, 2004
Earth Girls are Easy
But this one won't make excuses for anybody.
I haven't written in a while because for the past few days I've either been out of town or out of sorts... or both. I went to my sister's place in Utica NY to celebrate our Christmas and exchange gifts. I got the awesomest shirt. It's too beautiful to describe so I'll just have to start wearing it everywhere to showcase it.
Anyway... my mind is all but gone these days. I remember being stressed out in college, and it sucked. I remember having so many projects to do, and tests to take, and things to worry about. Fortunately, those things all had deadlines, which, can add stress rather than take it away, but on the same token, you always have the feeling that at some point, that deadline will be over. You may get it done by then, you may not, but you do know that there will come a time when whatever is stressing you out will stop. Unfortunately, I don't have that luxury right now.
You know, sometimes I wonder what life would be like if I had my dad back. I wonder if I would get along with him nowadays or how he'd feel about everything that's currently going on in my life and the lives of my family members. I really don't know whether his being around would make things better or worse. I guess there's really no way to know.
It's been a sort of downer of a Christmas season so far. I'm not an overly emotional person, but I really feel like my emotional resources are pretty much drained. I'm trying so hard to not be bitter about life, and most of the time I succeed, but for the first time in a long time, I'm catching myself doing things I hate, like feeling sorry for myself and wishing things were different. It always bothers me when people pull out the "Oh woe is me, I have such a hard life" shit because everybody feels that way sometimes, and people can't seem to acknowledge that. Oh well. I just don't know.
I used to see a therapist, and I'm really not sure whether or not it did any good. Maybe it did a little bit of good, as I went in there under the assumption that she would tell me I was crazy and medicate me, event hough I as a person didn't feel crazy at all. (Although real crazy people rarely do.) Fortunately, she told me that no, I was not crazy, and that I was actually doing quite well in life, and as long as I kept an objective point of view, and continued to look at life as I had been, I would be fine. Trouble starts when you draw false surroundings and build yourself little worlds that aren't exactly what they really are... whether it's to make you feel better or to make you feel worse. (Some people actually do that you know - imagine things to make themselves feel worse.)
Anyway, I'm considering seeing a different therapist. If only so that he/she can tell me, "Nope, Claire, you're still not crazy." Then I'd feel good and go home with a smile on my face.
The end.
I haven't written in a while because for the past few days I've either been out of town or out of sorts... or both. I went to my sister's place in Utica NY to celebrate our Christmas and exchange gifts. I got the awesomest shirt. It's too beautiful to describe so I'll just have to start wearing it everywhere to showcase it.
Anyway... my mind is all but gone these days. I remember being stressed out in college, and it sucked. I remember having so many projects to do, and tests to take, and things to worry about. Fortunately, those things all had deadlines, which, can add stress rather than take it away, but on the same token, you always have the feeling that at some point, that deadline will be over. You may get it done by then, you may not, but you do know that there will come a time when whatever is stressing you out will stop. Unfortunately, I don't have that luxury right now.
You know, sometimes I wonder what life would be like if I had my dad back. I wonder if I would get along with him nowadays or how he'd feel about everything that's currently going on in my life and the lives of my family members. I really don't know whether his being around would make things better or worse. I guess there's really no way to know.
It's been a sort of downer of a Christmas season so far. I'm not an overly emotional person, but I really feel like my emotional resources are pretty much drained. I'm trying so hard to not be bitter about life, and most of the time I succeed, but for the first time in a long time, I'm catching myself doing things I hate, like feeling sorry for myself and wishing things were different. It always bothers me when people pull out the "Oh woe is me, I have such a hard life" shit because everybody feels that way sometimes, and people can't seem to acknowledge that. Oh well. I just don't know.
I used to see a therapist, and I'm really not sure whether or not it did any good. Maybe it did a little bit of good, as I went in there under the assumption that she would tell me I was crazy and medicate me, event hough I as a person didn't feel crazy at all. (Although real crazy people rarely do.) Fortunately, she told me that no, I was not crazy, and that I was actually doing quite well in life, and as long as I kept an objective point of view, and continued to look at life as I had been, I would be fine. Trouble starts when you draw false surroundings and build yourself little worlds that aren't exactly what they really are... whether it's to make you feel better or to make you feel worse. (Some people actually do that you know - imagine things to make themselves feel worse.)
Anyway, I'm considering seeing a different therapist. If only so that he/she can tell me, "Nope, Claire, you're still not crazy." Then I'd feel good and go home with a smile on my face.
The end.
