Tuesday, February 15, 2005
Pay day
And much has already left my pocket.
Ouch! It's been such a long time since I've typed away at the keyboard here. I've been having lots of computer issues as of late, so I haven't been able to maintain my compusure and curb my frustrations long enough to sign into this bad boy and update. But that's done now. For some reason my computer has decided to become my friend today.
I've decided that if I go to grad school in the fall, I will need a new computer. I guess it's time to start saving those paychecks... which is hard to do, when they get zapped instantly out of the air by the Student Loan Fairy and the Visa Fairy.
I'm so afraid... I'm so into doing grad school for writing, but after doing music for four years, it's so weird to switch. I feel like an unfaithful girlfriend or something... like music will be mad and break up with me. I wish I could tell music, "It's not you, it's me. I'm just not ready for that kind of committment right now. I really need to get a feel for what I really want in a lifetime commitment, and I think things are getting too serious too quickly with us. I want you to know that I love you, and I always will. And really, if it's meant to be, we will be together in the future. I'm just too young and stupid to follow you everywhere you need to go right now. I hope you're not hurt, and I hope you'll forgive me. And really, I hope someday we can be together again."
See, what's great about the fact that this is music and writing, and not two hot studs, is that I can date both music and writing at the same time. I just have to keep telling myself that they won't get jealous. I just feel like I'm 23 years old, and I'm learning too quickly that you only get one shot at this life. What's wrong with getting 2 degrees in 2 different things you love? Best to do it now while I'm still young and can deal with personal failure as personal failure... and not spousal and family failure. I have nobody to disappoint but myself, so now would be the time to take risks and be a little weird, wouldn't you think?
If there's going to be a time in my life when it's okay to not have a plan or a clue or any sort of direction whatsoever, it's now. Either that or when I'm senile, and I don't want to wait that long.
Although... I'm sure it'll come sooner than I expect. Shit.
Ouch! It's been such a long time since I've typed away at the keyboard here. I've been having lots of computer issues as of late, so I haven't been able to maintain my compusure and curb my frustrations long enough to sign into this bad boy and update. But that's done now. For some reason my computer has decided to become my friend today.
I've decided that if I go to grad school in the fall, I will need a new computer. I guess it's time to start saving those paychecks... which is hard to do, when they get zapped instantly out of the air by the Student Loan Fairy and the Visa Fairy.
I'm so afraid... I'm so into doing grad school for writing, but after doing music for four years, it's so weird to switch. I feel like an unfaithful girlfriend or something... like music will be mad and break up with me. I wish I could tell music, "It's not you, it's me. I'm just not ready for that kind of committment right now. I really need to get a feel for what I really want in a lifetime commitment, and I think things are getting too serious too quickly with us. I want you to know that I love you, and I always will. And really, if it's meant to be, we will be together in the future. I'm just too young and stupid to follow you everywhere you need to go right now. I hope you're not hurt, and I hope you'll forgive me. And really, I hope someday we can be together again."
See, what's great about the fact that this is music and writing, and not two hot studs, is that I can date both music and writing at the same time. I just have to keep telling myself that they won't get jealous. I just feel like I'm 23 years old, and I'm learning too quickly that you only get one shot at this life. What's wrong with getting 2 degrees in 2 different things you love? Best to do it now while I'm still young and can deal with personal failure as personal failure... and not spousal and family failure. I have nobody to disappoint but myself, so now would be the time to take risks and be a little weird, wouldn't you think?
If there's going to be a time in my life when it's okay to not have a plan or a clue or any sort of direction whatsoever, it's now. Either that or when I'm senile, and I don't want to wait that long.
Although... I'm sure it'll come sooner than I expect. Shit.
