Monday, March 07, 2005
Come Up To
It's where you'll find me
I was exhausted all day at work today. Kind of a shame. I guess that's the price I pay for partying all weekend. It was so worth it though, and it's obvious to everyone in the band that The Great Fall is experiencing a massive "second wind" due to finding the new drummer. We've been cranking out new songs like nobody's business, and calling each other up begging to meet so we can play them. I really think some of our newest stuff is some of our best stuff. Haha... it's kinda funny... I'm talking about "new stuff" and "old stuff" as if there's more than a few months' difference between the two. Haha.
Everyone's bummed today. That makes me bummed. But you know what makes me kinda happy? My mom is over on the couch trying to watch a DVD that's acting funny, and she totally just said, "Well this certainly sucks." This is not funny unless you know my mother. She doesn't say any words that even resemble dirty words. I don't know. I got a kick out of it. I guess the whole cancer thing'll really teach ya not to sweat the small stuff.
I think I'm coming back around. Sophomore year of college I sorta got slapped in the face with one trauma after another, and I really sorta grew numb. After that, I was always in Erie, away from all the sources of the problems, and I was able to retreat back into that other life, where things were just as they had always been before the crap, whereas the life I left at home changed so much. So... when I was at school it was almost like nothing had happened, and I could just live in safety, and call upon my numbness from it whenever I went home for those short breaks. Nowadays, I'm back here. I see the mail that still comes for my dad, I see the pictures, I hear the CDs, I'm around it. And, now it's been a while, so I think it's healthy for me to be around that. It lets me remember without being really overly freaked out. However, I think the whole process has let me sort of thaw. I'm not as numb as I used to be, and I can't tell how that's affecting me. I don't know if it's changing me for the better... making me more human or something, or changing me for the worse... making me weaker and whinier. I just don't know. Maybe it's just crossing my path at the right time... clearing my head a little bit by giving me a dose of reality. I really don't think it's a bad thing, but it makes me miss the friends I had at Mercyhurst, and even just the campus itself. It makes me miss the safety I had... the retreat... the replacement life. Anyway, it's nice to be able to feel stuff about stuff anymore... and not just bad stuff. I think it's made me a little bit more happy about stuff... a little bit more into stuff... I get more excited, and I think I'm even more romantic in a way. I don't know, it's hard to explain. I'm more passionate, I think. And that's certainly not a bad thing. This comes from the Great Fall too I think, as my bandmates are emoholics. I don't know.
I'll leave you with a Great Fall lyric (which I didn't write)
Come up to
It's where you'll find me
I don't want my scarred up past
To bring back tragedy
I was exhausted all day at work today. Kind of a shame. I guess that's the price I pay for partying all weekend. It was so worth it though, and it's obvious to everyone in the band that The Great Fall is experiencing a massive "second wind" due to finding the new drummer. We've been cranking out new songs like nobody's business, and calling each other up begging to meet so we can play them. I really think some of our newest stuff is some of our best stuff. Haha... it's kinda funny... I'm talking about "new stuff" and "old stuff" as if there's more than a few months' difference between the two. Haha.
Everyone's bummed today. That makes me bummed. But you know what makes me kinda happy? My mom is over on the couch trying to watch a DVD that's acting funny, and she totally just said, "Well this certainly sucks." This is not funny unless you know my mother. She doesn't say any words that even resemble dirty words. I don't know. I got a kick out of it. I guess the whole cancer thing'll really teach ya not to sweat the small stuff.
I think I'm coming back around. Sophomore year of college I sorta got slapped in the face with one trauma after another, and I really sorta grew numb. After that, I was always in Erie, away from all the sources of the problems, and I was able to retreat back into that other life, where things were just as they had always been before the crap, whereas the life I left at home changed so much. So... when I was at school it was almost like nothing had happened, and I could just live in safety, and call upon my numbness from it whenever I went home for those short breaks. Nowadays, I'm back here. I see the mail that still comes for my dad, I see the pictures, I hear the CDs, I'm around it. And, now it's been a while, so I think it's healthy for me to be around that. It lets me remember without being really overly freaked out. However, I think the whole process has let me sort of thaw. I'm not as numb as I used to be, and I can't tell how that's affecting me. I don't know if it's changing me for the better... making me more human or something, or changing me for the worse... making me weaker and whinier. I just don't know. Maybe it's just crossing my path at the right time... clearing my head a little bit by giving me a dose of reality. I really don't think it's a bad thing, but it makes me miss the friends I had at Mercyhurst, and even just the campus itself. It makes me miss the safety I had... the retreat... the replacement life. Anyway, it's nice to be able to feel stuff about stuff anymore... and not just bad stuff. I think it's made me a little bit more happy about stuff... a little bit more into stuff... I get more excited, and I think I'm even more romantic in a way. I don't know, it's hard to explain. I'm more passionate, I think. And that's certainly not a bad thing. This comes from the Great Fall too I think, as my bandmates are emoholics. I don't know.
I'll leave you with a Great Fall lyric (which I didn't write)
Come up to
It's where you'll find me
I don't want my scarred up past
To bring back tragedy
