Virtual Paper

How Much Better Can it Be?

Today is a day I wait for all year. Today was the day I stepped out of work, realized I felt slightly warm in my jacket, and determined that yes, in fact, the time had come. As I approached my car in the parking lot, I opened the passenger side door instead of the driver's side. I did this... to unlock... the T-top.

There are few joys as indescribable as cruising in the sun with a great CD on, hair pulled up all cute (but looking like I don't care of course) sunglasses on, and just feeling hott with two t's. Nothing makes you feel like the center of attention like driving a bright green Del Sol around on a sunny day. I finally accomplished all the errands I'd been meaning to run, because I never wanted to go home and put the top back on the car.

In my travels I exchanged the second copy of Season IV of Friends that I recieved (for my birthday) for Season III, which I still hadn't acquired. I also picked up an Italian sub from Subway, which was cheap because they have their Tuesday special. I also finally cashed in my fuel perks at the Giant Eagle gas station. On a day when gas was $2.13/gallon, I put 10 gallons in my car for $10.05. Now, I'm no math whiz, but even I can tell you that fuel perks are awesome. The system especially works when one's mother is too lazy to get her own advantage card, so she therefore uses yours, thus bumping up your fuel perks with every trip to the store. Anyway, I don't care how it happened. The point is, I fueled up the cutest car ever, feeling like the cutest girl ever, with a copy of season III of the best show ever, after eating the best sandwich ever. Today... was awesome.

(Switching gears here... just a warning)

So... the way it works is this. Women think about men all the time, and men think about women all the time. It's the way it goes. People are all about the relationships they're in, and those who aren't in relationships are probably getting hounded about it, regardless of whether they are happy being single or not. This bothers me. I remember being single, and enjoying being single. However, the first question a new person asks is whether or not you're seeing anybody. It's right up there with what your name is and what you do for a living. I would hate to think that one's relationship status defines one as a person as much as one's occupation does. That bothers me.

Anyway, I seem to have gotten off track. I don't know how I got here. What I mean to be discussing is this constant thing between men and women. I'm sure it's biology for the most part, but there's such a juggling factor... and so much of it is timing. Think about it. Think about all the men/women you've dated, almost dated, or been attracted to. Now think about how time played a role in that attraction or result. I bet that in most cases, timing was more important than you'd like to give credit. Did that person ever come back later as a changed person? Did you ever grow up a lot and want to go back to a former interest who had since moved on? Maybe what makes the relationships that work functional, is merely good timing. I'm sure that's not true in all cases. I'm sure relationships fail for way more important reasons such as, oh, I don' t know, cheating, abuse, or having nothing in common. But... I'd like to examine timing as an option. I think the world oughta give it a chance. Just a theory.

I have this weird fascination with time and the passage of it. I'm oddly obsessed with it. I'm driven crazy in a cool way by things that happen over time. Changes. And how those changes look in retrospect. I'm very big on reflection. I sit and think all the time about who I was at any given time and what I would have thought of things that are going on now. I think about the people who are important to me, and the people who were important to me at every other crucial time in the life of Claire. It's funny - the other day I was talking to Josh and he was talking about something he and the boys did his freshman year. And I mentioned something about being in high school as a senior... I mentioned that I wasn't around for it. And then it occurred to me that as this funny thing was happenning to Josh, as he was having this experience he was describing his freshman year of college that he remembers years later, at that very moment that that was happenning to him, it was very possible that I was out having my own memorable experience with John and Jason. Funny how things sorta come full circle. I didn't even know the people I met in college during that time. Jaime, Damien, Josh and Tony... none of the boys, none of my roommates, existed to me at that time. John and Jason did. And they were important. And then in the subsequent years, all those other people became so important and I never thought I'd see John or Jason again, and at the time it didn't matter all that much. I'd heard rumors of John being into drugs, and that saddened me... and somehow I felt above all of that, and that I never needed to look back. Since then I've been thrown back, and I am so freakin' thankful for it because it gives so much perspective. I don't know... I wonder if any of this makes any sense. It's just funny. Senior year of college I never could have imagined what was to come. But... that same statement can be made for every year I was in college, and even the time that has elapsed since. It's mind-boggling.

When I write songs for the band, I take a feeling that I have, and I describe it in scenario - form. (For the lyrics of course, music is a whole different beast.) But... I never make any kind of conscious effort to include specifics in the lyrics of a song... they're just meant to mirror an abstract feeling. It's funny though, when I go back and read what I've written, in almost every song there's a reference to the passage of time and how I feel about it since.

Six Years in Korea is 100% about it. I mean, there's not even an obscure reference there. That's what the song is about. It's about looking back and saying, "Wow. Just... damn."

Roadside Rave has elements of it too... the music reminded me of the feeling of being out of the woods sorta, and that's how the song wrote itself. It's a sort of "Wow, that was wild, but we're okay now" sort of feeling. So it's got elements of the passage of time too.

Five Forced Smiles does it again. The whole song, the lyrics stay in the present, describing a sad scenario and a lost feeling. But then the very last verse describes what happens after time, and the overall joy that sorta comes back in.

Senses doesn't really make any direct references, although each verse is about a different person, and that itself sorta represents time.

What I Missed is almost as direct as Six Years in Korea. It's just about, well, "what I missed." The feeling of looking back on something you didn't even think about and having to sort of ruminate on it. It's a messed up feeling, but there it is again. All that time bullshit.

Sieze the Night isn't quite as time-oriented. I wrote it about the glory days of college, but there isn't really a sense of reflection. Well, come to think of it, maybe there is a little bit. As it asks the question, "Do you remember?" a lot. I don't know.

In the Distance doesn't do it as much either... it is also more direct. And it sounds like a Nintendo game.

The new funk song that doesn't have a name yet is also very much reflective upon changing times. It's about those people you know so well at one point and then sorta lose somewhere along the way.

Anyway, I just realized that I've written a buttload of songs. That's kinda cool.

But, I notice in a lot of songs the trend to put different verses in different times, as if one was written one year, and another verse in another year. They're written in present tense, but they're separated by goings on. It'd be like writing, "Well, I'm out here in my horse and buggy and it's awesome" then singing a chorus and then being like, "So today I am flying around in my space ship and it's hott with two t's." It's funny... and maybe a little abnormal. I wonder what all of that means regarding my psyche. Who knows.

This entry is long enough. Time to go do something else.

Peace out home slices.