Friday, July 29, 2005
Nice Day To
Start Agaaaaaaaain
Calm down everybody. We're all okay.
There's a trend I'm noticing. Well, a few. I've just finished reading everyone's blogs. (I do this sometimes... just sit and read blogs.) And for the first time, I noticed a common theme amongst almost all of the blogs I read. That common theme is marriage. Some are for it, some are against it, some are afraid of it, and some are proud of it.
What is it about the early twenties? No matter how we all feel about marriage, somehow the early twenties curse smacks us in the head. It's either "marriage is stupid!" or it's "marriage is wonderful!" or something along those lines. What I want to know is, why do we have to decide today whether marriage is stupid or wonderful? Now, before I get a million nasty comments on my blog, allow me to confess I too have recently been struck by the metaphorical marriage frying pan. It's funny too... sometimes I'm all for it, and sometimes I'm against it. I can't seem to decide. I think I feel like marriage can be a really wonderful thing if it's done for the right reasons, and so many people are missing those reasons. I'm way excited to be married someday, and I'll never deny that. However, a marriage is eternal, (or it's supposed to be anyway) and so I really feel that something eternal would never need to be rushed. This is why I don't understand the wave that's come over us all.
Some of us are all, "People who get married are so lame! We laugh up our sleeves at them! Thank goodnes we'll be happy in life, and they'll end up divorced and miserable." I am one of these people sometimes too. In all honesty, I partake in the protests of both sides.
But here's what I don't understand. No matter which side we're on, whether for or against, it's on our minds. Now, it may just be women. (Of the 4 blogs that mentioned it, all were women - 2 for, 2 against.) But either way, for some reason, it's struck us all, and all at the same time. I don't know why. We're all in our early 20's. We've got plenty of time for such a decision, I don't know why we're all confronted with it. Maybe it's because a lot of our friends are getting engaged, which they are. But they may just be responding to the frying pan that's just hit them. And anyway, think about your reaction when someone gets engaged. We're happy for these people, but the second they look away, we think about ourselves. Will we ever be married? And then... are you really happy for these people? Maybe you think to yourself, "Hahahaha! Sucker! I know I'll sure as hell never make that mistake!" Or maybe you think to yourself, "I hope I have that someday." But either way, you think to yourself. I just wish I knew why.
If someone walked in the room with a cow, would you think, "Hahahaha sucker! I'll never buy a cow!" or "I hope I have a cow someday"? I doubt you would. There's this weird mysterious fascination with marriage that I can't explain. The people who read this are all insightful and intelligent. Maybe you folks can help me piece it all together.
My point is this: If you're against marriage, calm yourself. First of all, we're all young, and you might change your mind when you find somebody. And don't give me the "I'm not going to find somebody, and I don't want to find somebody" because you don't get to pick. You don't get to pick whether or not you find somebody and when and who. They don't tell you that when you start life, but I've found it to be true. Sometimes people just find you, and when you find yourself caring for them back, you may change your tune. You can't predict the future, and you certainly can't predict your own emotions. That's what makes them emotions instead of logic.
If you're for marriage, calm yourself. You too may also change your mind. Sometimes ten or twenty years with a person will teach you things about him/her that you didn't know before and can't commit to. You have to accept the fact that the anti-marriage people may be right just as they have to accept that you may be right. Like I said before, you can't predict your emotions. People who are "in love" never want to admit that they could be wrong. The feeling of love is too assuring and addictive. You may wake up one morning and not be in love. You may wake up and decide that marriage is not for you.
I have no idea what I'm getting at. I think we all just need to breathe. We're freaking out and we're all okay. We don't need to be upset about the engagements that are going on, and we don't need to be upset at the crusading singles. We've all got plenty of time, and there has never been a rule that says married people and single people can't be friends and have a good time together. Single-pride people are all "THEY'RE LEAVING US" and married-pride people are all "I NEED TO FIGURE OUT THE NEXT 30 YEARS OF MY LIFE TOMORROW." Come on. We're all cool, we're all still humans that eat the same foods and breathe the same air, and we all okay. The married people won't (or at least they sure as hell shouldn't) be "lost to the dark side" or "dead to us" and the single people won't (or at least they sure as hell shouldn't) look down on anyone or misunderstand.
And besides! We're young! Let's think of big swirly lollipops and little red wagons!
That is all.
DISCLAIMER: I am a hypocrite. I do not deny this. I have made pretty much all of the above statements myself. This blog was a therapy blog more than it was an instruction manual for people. It was sort of an attempt to sort out my own thoughts on the matter, and I still am not sure exactly where I stand. I don't pretend to have the answers, all I know is how I feel. That is all.
Calm down everybody. We're all okay.
There's a trend I'm noticing. Well, a few. I've just finished reading everyone's blogs. (I do this sometimes... just sit and read blogs.) And for the first time, I noticed a common theme amongst almost all of the blogs I read. That common theme is marriage. Some are for it, some are against it, some are afraid of it, and some are proud of it.
What is it about the early twenties? No matter how we all feel about marriage, somehow the early twenties curse smacks us in the head. It's either "marriage is stupid!" or it's "marriage is wonderful!" or something along those lines. What I want to know is, why do we have to decide today whether marriage is stupid or wonderful? Now, before I get a million nasty comments on my blog, allow me to confess I too have recently been struck by the metaphorical marriage frying pan. It's funny too... sometimes I'm all for it, and sometimes I'm against it. I can't seem to decide. I think I feel like marriage can be a really wonderful thing if it's done for the right reasons, and so many people are missing those reasons. I'm way excited to be married someday, and I'll never deny that. However, a marriage is eternal, (or it's supposed to be anyway) and so I really feel that something eternal would never need to be rushed. This is why I don't understand the wave that's come over us all.
Some of us are all, "People who get married are so lame! We laugh up our sleeves at them! Thank goodnes we'll be happy in life, and they'll end up divorced and miserable." I am one of these people sometimes too. In all honesty, I partake in the protests of both sides.
But here's what I don't understand. No matter which side we're on, whether for or against, it's on our minds. Now, it may just be women. (Of the 4 blogs that mentioned it, all were women - 2 for, 2 against.) But either way, for some reason, it's struck us all, and all at the same time. I don't know why. We're all in our early 20's. We've got plenty of time for such a decision, I don't know why we're all confronted with it. Maybe it's because a lot of our friends are getting engaged, which they are. But they may just be responding to the frying pan that's just hit them. And anyway, think about your reaction when someone gets engaged. We're happy for these people, but the second they look away, we think about ourselves. Will we ever be married? And then... are you really happy for these people? Maybe you think to yourself, "Hahahaha! Sucker! I know I'll sure as hell never make that mistake!" Or maybe you think to yourself, "I hope I have that someday." But either way, you think to yourself. I just wish I knew why.
If someone walked in the room with a cow, would you think, "Hahahaha sucker! I'll never buy a cow!" or "I hope I have a cow someday"? I doubt you would. There's this weird mysterious fascination with marriage that I can't explain. The people who read this are all insightful and intelligent. Maybe you folks can help me piece it all together.
My point is this: If you're against marriage, calm yourself. First of all, we're all young, and you might change your mind when you find somebody. And don't give me the "I'm not going to find somebody, and I don't want to find somebody" because you don't get to pick. You don't get to pick whether or not you find somebody and when and who. They don't tell you that when you start life, but I've found it to be true. Sometimes people just find you, and when you find yourself caring for them back, you may change your tune. You can't predict the future, and you certainly can't predict your own emotions. That's what makes them emotions instead of logic.
If you're for marriage, calm yourself. You too may also change your mind. Sometimes ten or twenty years with a person will teach you things about him/her that you didn't know before and can't commit to. You have to accept the fact that the anti-marriage people may be right just as they have to accept that you may be right. Like I said before, you can't predict your emotions. People who are "in love" never want to admit that they could be wrong. The feeling of love is too assuring and addictive. You may wake up one morning and not be in love. You may wake up and decide that marriage is not for you.
I have no idea what I'm getting at. I think we all just need to breathe. We're freaking out and we're all okay. We don't need to be upset about the engagements that are going on, and we don't need to be upset at the crusading singles. We've all got plenty of time, and there has never been a rule that says married people and single people can't be friends and have a good time together. Single-pride people are all "THEY'RE LEAVING US" and married-pride people are all "I NEED TO FIGURE OUT THE NEXT 30 YEARS OF MY LIFE TOMORROW." Come on. We're all cool, we're all still humans that eat the same foods and breathe the same air, and we all okay. The married people won't (or at least they sure as hell shouldn't) be "lost to the dark side" or "dead to us" and the single people won't (or at least they sure as hell shouldn't) look down on anyone or misunderstand.
And besides! We're young! Let's think of big swirly lollipops and little red wagons!
That is all.
DISCLAIMER: I am a hypocrite. I do not deny this. I have made pretty much all of the above statements myself. This blog was a therapy blog more than it was an instruction manual for people. It was sort of an attempt to sort out my own thoughts on the matter, and I still am not sure exactly where I stand. I don't pretend to have the answers, all I know is how I feel. That is all.
